Jakarta Under Wear 4 (Love Hurts)

Met her in chat room….her nick was so inviting…”massage girl”..i thought she was Mpok-mpok Janda my “langganan” masseur who live near my house”….so I “hi,mpok” her….she replied,”yea..asl?”….
Me : 22 m jks (a basi routine that u should do when u chat in chat room..why cant we just type, “hey slut, can I fuk u?” Roid : karena kita masih memegang teguh adat ketimuran Fahri *memakai cadar*).
Me : Berapa?
She : 150. in ur place.
Me : (mahal banget…Mpok-Mpok Janda di deket rumah gw cuma 20 ribu) . “ga bisa. I live with my parents”
She : emang kenapa? Kan pijat doang….
Me : (iya juga sih..dasar otak kotor)..so…why so expensive?”
She : its more than just a pijat.
Me : what makes it more than just a pijat?
She : youll find out….so, when?
Me : minggu, bisa?
She : hmm…kenapa ga sekarang…ill come to ur place..mumpung belum terlalu malam.
Me : jangan deh….minggu aja…
She : minggu aku ga bisa….soalnya harus ke Bandung
Me : (wow…mojang Bandung..then she’s my type)….ya udah…minggu malamnya bisa kan…
She : ya udah..diusahain….021974632…my cell number….yours?
Me : 08586345372. may I see ur pic please?
She : syahara @ yanahoolio.com

I clicked it…her pic blown me away…..gosh…she’s sooo cute!..tapi ada yang salah…di situ ada gambar dia di Spore..dan ada gambar dia bawa mobil…

Me : itu bukan gambar lu ya?
She : ga.gambar aku.kenapa emang?
Me : u don’t look like someone who need money…(roid : emang foto orang yg butuh duit itu harus gimana goblok?lagian everyone need money. Didi Kempot yg tajir mampus itu aja masih butuh uang...me : i mean she doesn’t look like someone who must do massage for her living palkon! Harusnya dia terlihat seperti mpok-mpok janda di sebelah rumah gw…gendut,rambut dikonde,pake baju kebaya murah, dan kain sarung)
She : ngga.itu aku.liat aja ntar.
Me : ok.tapi kalo nanti bukan elu boleh dibatalin ya.
She : ok.

Then I went home.Watching TV. Went to bed.

When Syaiful Jamil chased after me with knife and kolor polkadot that he thrown away in Pantai Ancol, my cell was ringing…..i woke up…damn…thanks God….the worst nightmare….

Me : ya…hallo?
Someone : eh..udah tidur ya…jadi kan hari minggunya?
Me : oh…kirain siapa…jadi..jadi.
She : sori ya udah gangguin….
Me : oh..ga papa…bye.
She : bye.

mencurigakan…she sounded really2 need money…I doubt the pic was really her….

Singkat cerita, the minggu day came…..i still doubt whether I wanna meet her or not…..

Sore sore….the cell rang….her number…

She : jadi kan?

Me : liat ntar ya…masih bingung….soalnya harus rapat karang taruna juga (roid : alasan yang bodoh!)…ntar kalo jadi gw telpon…
She : oke…*sound lil bit sad*

But finally, I decided to meet/hire her…..but not in my house…I decided to meet her in public place…in case the pic was not her, and in case she was actually a serial killer who killed pria hidung belang and cut their penis….i can observate her body language and the way she talk first then I decided whether she’s a serial killer or not…..

Me : ketemu di mall ini ya…
She : oke..

1 hour later…..

She : kamu dimana?
Me : di restoran anu…
She : oke… aku udah liat…

Me : (saw her…suddenly loosing contact with reality…fly…..she’s so sweet ..)
She : “hi….Amingwati (bukan nama sebenarnya)*shaking my hand*
Me : “Aming” (bukan nama sebenarnya)
She : sama ga sama yg di gambar?
Me : iya…sama…(stared at her face….cant take eyes off of her face)
She : (blushing)
Me : (tried so hard not to kiss her)….

Sweet chatted….sweet talked….

She : jadi..gimana…langsung ke tempat kamu?
Me : oke…..


In my place.
We continued our sweet talk and lovely chat….dan di sepanjang percakapan, I cant resist to kiss her and hug her…….she’s just so sweet that u can get diabetic because of her sweetness….and she has this fragile look that makes everyone wanna hug her…..and she has something mysterious that makes u wanna grab her hand and said “everything gonna be okay dear..come…cry on my shoulder”

She : so…mau mulai sekarang?
Me : *no dear…I just wanna look at ur face, talk to you, and hug u in my sleep till dawn comes….but this stupid and sok gengsi guy don’t have a brave to said that*..”oke…mulai sekarang”*took off clothes*

She : *grabbed olive oil and started massaging*

Me : *gosh..her hand was so soft….and her squezzing was so weak….it was like dielus daripada dipijat….she’s indeed not a real masseur….*
She : “kurang kuat ya?”
Me : (she could read my mind??)…”ngga”..(how could u dissapoint her?)
Me : “kayanya ga usah dipijat deh….kita ngobrol aja….tapi tetep gw bayar….” (ga tahan lagi untuk ngomong gitu)
She : “ga papa….kan sekalian bisa ngobrol”

I ask her about her life and she told me that she actually has accounting degree…and worked in a big company…but just resigned two months ago…she has a child..so I assumed she has to do this job to feed her child…..

Me : (starred at her face when did massage….gosh…that sad eyes and fragile look..i cant take it anymore….i had to stop it)…
Me : “udah deh…kita ngobrol aja”
She : “oh…”
Me : emang mau pulang ya?
She : *menganggukkan kepala*
Me : (please..dont…just spend this night with me…I just wanna hug you and wipe ur pains away….please)

So I sat….she sat….we watch TV….and she still gave me massage…

Me : “udah..ga usah”
She : “gapapa…”


Silence…………………………………………………………………….
Long silence…………………..


Then i came closer to her……closer……………and kissed her lips……………..
Her lips was so tender……….and we just kiss…..soft kiss….no tongue involved……..and it’s the sweetest kiss I ever did……..and it’s a very long kiss…..tender…..sweet….no lust….just affection……at least that’s what I felt………..



And I hug her……gosh…..i don’t wanna lose this moment………….


she said she wanna go home……………


im so sad………I think Im falling for her………..she hugged me, said : “we’ll soon meet…ill give u my other number”……..


I hugged her tight………..and let her go………….


And her sweet and fragile look haunted me after that….i sms her…but no repplied……damn….why should I fall for wrong person?

It has been one week and I still sms her….though she never replied……..


Roid…why love so hurts? Why it has to choose her? A masseur who has one child? Why? Why don’t a random girl who has a normal job….why don’t Cinta Laura?What can I do to forget her?


Roid : “Me” dear….i currently listen to Incubus song….”Love Hurts”….just take a listen to its lyric…..

"love Hurts…but sometimes it’s a good hurt and it feels like im alive….
Love sings….when it transcends the bad things. Have a heart and try me…cause without love I wont survive”

“me dear….yes..love hurts…but sometimes it makes u feel alive u know…look at me…I don’t feel love since….since….my nenek masih pake behel…..and it makes me feel empty…im dying to feel its pain….im dying to feel it hurts me just to make this emptiness gone…….just enjoy it dear….that what makes u feel alive…feel like a human….i feel like im a celana kolor right now…

And how to forget her? Time dear…time will help you….believe me…you may say : “who are u to say it to me?you are 24 years old virgin…u know nothing about love….
But believe me dear....im like Pemegang rekor Muri untuk Orang Yang Paling Sering Ditolak Sebelum Bertindak….so I know exactly how to forget those biatches……only time dear….only time….just enjoy the pain now………

And why not Cinta Laura? Dear…..have a mirror in ur room?please…look at ur self at the mirror…..and maybe it’s also the answer why that massage girl leaved you….xixixixixi…..






(seperti yang diceritakan “Me” (Roid’s best friend in Jakarta) kepada majalah Kartono, diterjemahkan secara kacau dan asal-asalan ke dalam bahasa inggris oleh Roid.Seperti biasa, Roid tidak menerima koreksi berkenaan kesalahan grammar atau vocabulary…karena you know…dia bodoh lagipula sombong.)